It's Not A Competition, It's Just Trying To Measure Up
by Slaying Salty
Summary: Because Mercury Black wanted entertainment. Adam Taurus wanted nothing to do with it. Jaune and Ren just wanted to want.
1. But Why, Though?

**\- By Fall Out Boy**

 **\- By Panic! At The Disco**

 **For context, scroll down. Screw you if you think I'm putting that informative crap in my personal, free-writing space.**

 **It's like, 1:00 in the goddamn morning, alright? I'm not normal. Can't even make it to 3:00 anymore; we all know the best ideas come during that ungodly hour.**

* * *

Jaune didn't want to know. He couldn't imagine why he would _ever_ want to know, but now he did.

Mercury Black, his teammate, was holding a damn dabbing contest.

No, really.

It was in the cafeteria, and Mercury was his usual self; cocky, obnoxious, full of shit, and bored out of his little sociopathic mind.

"Look, rules are simple," Mercury announced to the many students in the cafeteria, standing atop a lunch-table. "Who can keep dabbing the most wins. It's not as if _Oobleck_ is fucking judging this or anything like that."

Ren, Jaune's other teammate, stood beside him, eyeing the whole thing. "So... he left his prosthetics on the entire night?"

Adam Taurus, the last member of team Alabaster, or ALBT, grunted after taking a bite out of his sandwich. He glanced at them, features hidden behind his shades.

 _Only douches wear shades indoors_ Jaune thought to himself.

"He was charging it all night," Adam muttered. "Tried to unplug the damn thing. Grey-haired asshole kicked me in my fucking gut." Ren smirked, "Being nice doesn't exactly work for you, huh?"

"Say shit like that again, and I skewer you. I'm a decent person." Adam replied.

"I'm vegan now."

Jaune rolled his eyes at that statement. " _Gods_ , Taurus. You really are a pompous ass." The blonde huntsman-in-training threw his hands up in the air. "I mean, someone who calls their ex _darling_ is probably missing some screws up in there."

A new voice joined their conversation; "The dude probably head butts everyone with those horn-heads of his, right Red?" Mercury asked.

"Fuck off, daddy issues."

" _Hah_! Says creepy stalker ex over here."

"I ask you to check up on Blake one time-"

Ren immediately cut them both off. "Adam, we all know it was at least ten times. And you," he pointed to Mercury, " why in the gods' good names would you hold a dabbing contest?"

Mercury's face lit up with delight at the question, and his three teammates knew what that look was about. " Well, I had this brilliant idea last night-"

Adam scoffed at that.

"And I first thought to myself, 'wow, Adam has a surprisingly soft gut', and second, 'how fun would it be if I recorded the whole school acting like idiots?'."

Jaune sighed in frustration, wondering where in life did he go wrong to get these guys as his team. "Okay, fine," he the team leader responded, " say you got the entire to school do... _that,_ how exactly did you convince them to even join you?"

Mercury laughed and sat himself down on the table, earning him a cussing out by Adam, demanding he take his 'fat ass away from his food.' " Oh, dork of little fate. I just offered them all something they would never, _ever_ refuse in a thousand lifetimes."

"And that would be?" Jaune immediately regretted asking the moment the words left his mouth, but for completely different reasons.

Any answer Mercury would have had was cut off when an explosion shook the entire cafeteria. The four teammates were able to grab on to the tables, since now all school furniture were glued to the table.

Glynda said it was because of some food fight incident. As if team Alabaster had anything to do with that!

Sure, they (specifically Mercury) had instigated the fight between RWBY and PNNK, but c'mon! It was all good fun. Okay, so there were major damages, like the how there was still a huge gaping hole in both the ceiling and the east wall, and yes, many of the students were still recovering from hearing problems because Flynt decided to break the holy laws of food fighting and decided to use his trumpet and the surprisingly advanced sound system of Beacon to his team's advantage, but that was all on them.

ALBT still took most of the blame.

The miniature earthquake ended, allowing the team to see the ensuing carnage that Mercury's 'contest' had caused.

There, in the center of a bunch of knocked-out Beacon students, were the two most fearsome freshmen duking it out for their just rewards.

Pyrrha Nikos, leader of PNNK, and Nora Valkyrie, here right hand woman, were locked in a heated battle, their arms practically a blur as they dabbed relentlessly, neither giving an inch.

The redheaded champion was so singularly focused on her task that she had failed to realize that her Semblance was out of control, her dark aura encasing her full body. Any and all metallic objects were shaking, vibrating. Cans and utensils orbited around Pyrrha, rotating faster and faster by the second.

Similarly, Nora was in the same boat. She too was dabbing, but unlike her leader, who was dabbing at a quick, precise tempo, she opted for powerful, flashy dabs. Every dab shot out an arc of lightning from her person, causing thunder and shaking the room.

Both women wore fierce, concentrated looks on their faces. Off the the side, RWBY , Neon, and Flynt were cowering behind a lunch-table, terrified of what was happening .

Jaune shook himself from his stupor and grabbed Mercury by the shoulders, his ever-present smirk never leaving his face for even a second.

Blue eyes bore into gray ones. "What. The. Hell. Did. You. Offer. Those. Two?!" He wildly gestured to the two monsters at the center of the storm.

Mercury shrugged. "A date with anyone on our team, _duh_."

Jaune was confused for a second before realization hit him like a soda can hurtling at Mach speed.

 _Ow._

Their leader rubbed his forehead, his aura thankfully protecting him from any lasting damage. He immediately turned on his teammate, but a blur of red tackled Mercury before he could do anything.

"What have you done?" Adam shouted in Mercury's face, terror evident on his face, even with the shades. "Have you gone mad? Tell me, Black! Tell me!"

Mercury cackled under the grip of his friend, madness filling his stormy gray eyes. "What I was born to do, Horn-head! To ensue chaos among the masses, destroying this gods-forsaken place and taking everyone, including us, along with it!"

He pointed to the two huntresses-in-training, a manic grin plastered on his features. "Look upon them, my brothers! Watch as these two forces of nature do what they're supposed to do!"

"Allow them to finally fulfill their destinies! Ahahahaha!"

Adam Taurus, mouth agape, rose from the floor. He turned to Jaune, tears streaming down his eyes. "Jaune... what do we do?"

Jaune had already conjured up a plan during the chaos.

"Adam, help me get Ren to Nora, now!" The boy in question was held tightly by Jaune, struggling to free himself from his fate.

"Let me go Jaune! We can still make a break for it!" Ren pleaded, his voice filled with fear and desperation. "Nora will never catch us in the forests!"

Adam marched up to the both of them and punched Ren right in the face. "It's not about escaping, damn it! Everything we've worked for, gone because we ran."

The bull Faunus grabbed his two friends, bringing them overhead. "Jaune, Ren. I'm sorry, but I refuse to have my work towards equality dissolve because those two girls are _thirsty_!"

Jaune, now just realizing what states he's in, practically screams like a woman. "Adam no-!"

"Please, Adam, don't do this!"

Adam refused to give, but he was still being affected by their pleas.

 _What am I thinking?! These are my brothers!_

Adam shook himself, removing any trace of pity in his heart and steeling himself for the task at hand.

"Forgive me, brothers. But the hardest choices require the strongest of wills."

"Fuck you!"

"You stole that from a movieYIEEEEEEE!"

Adam chucked them both, his aura granting him the strength necessary to do the deed.

He cupped his hands in front of his mouth and yelled. "It's a tie! There's your reward!"

Both girls immediately stopped, their predatory eyes locking on to the two young men sailing overhead, screaming their heads off as they gripped each other, realization dawning on them as they neared the open arms of two very beautiful, very powerful, very terribly smiling women.

"NOOOOOOO!"

* * *

"And that's how I saved the school, my beauty."

"Shut up, Adam."

"Okay."

RWBY and the halves of teams PNNK and ALBT were huddled around a mostly intact table, enjoying the cafeteria food.

Classes were suspended due to the destruction caused by Pyrrha and Nora in the contest, but Adam had overheard from the halls that apparently, Ozpin had won some bet that concerned 'ships' and 'porking', which the Faunus did not want to get into.

Yang sighed, setting aside her bowl of noodles. "So, Taurus. What happens now?"

Adam shrugged. He had done his part. He had saved the school and tied up the madman that was Mercury Black, surrendering him to Glynda Goodwitch for punishment.

He could still hear the shrill cries of pain and humiliation from across the school.

"Enough about that. I'm just glad it's over." Adam drank from his cup, enjoying the refreshment.

"My teammates have got it all under control."

No. No they did not.

* * *

 **ALBT AU. Jaune ARC, LIE Ren, Mercury BLACK, and Adam TAURUS.**

 **I've been wanting to write these four, and ideas are definitely there. Just need time, motivation, and Mercury's fucking semblance.**

 **PNNK - Pyrrha, Nora, Neon, and Flynt. Since, apparently, their teammates don't exist and may never exist at all. Thanks RT.**

 **Yeah. It's bad. No Beta, I'm dying like a man.**

 **Thanks for reading. You must be completely brain-dead for reaching the end.**

 **Congratulations.**


	2. But Why?

**Don't do it, okay? Please don't.**

* * *

Jaune Arc had no idea why this was happening.

"Mercury, please." Jaune pleaded, terror evident in his voice. "Don't do this man. I'm begging you."

The young man in question only looked at Jaune with his stormy gray eyes. Eyes that were normally filled with mischief - that glint of roguish joy that Mercury was known for.

The night was cold, the wind whipping their hair and uniforms about. The shattered moon shined over Beacon academy, the moonlight illuminating over the empty courtyard. The street lights alongside the treeline cast haunting shadows over the ground, doing nothing to help the scene that was unfolding before the academy.

Mercury Black was calmly walking, paying no heed to his teammate's words. His steps were even and quiet, barely perceptible to Jaune Arc as he followed him in the night.

"You do realize what today is, right?" Mercury asked, cutting through the deafening silence.

"I do." Jaune answered. "Merc, I know. But I thought we were past this. I thought the entire _team_ was past this, I swear!"

Mercury snapped towards Jaune, fury in his eyes. "Then why'd you do it again?" His voice was a whisper, but to the both of them, it was practically yelling. "I trusted you, Arc! I put my faith in you!"

The blonde held his hands out in surrender, his lips in a thin line. "And I'm sorry, Merc. It was an accident, I swear it. I just got... lost in the motions."

Mercury marched towards his teammate, shoving him back. Hatred was etched over his normally calm features. "You don't get, do you?"

"I do! It's just-"

"Just what?" Mercury cut back. "Oh, I'm sorry. I can't hear you past all the Goliath shit spewing from your fucking mouth!"

Mercury shoved him again, this time harder. Anyone else would've shoved back. Jaune didn't.

He knew he was in the wrong.

"Gods Merc, please. I'll make it up to you." Jaune pleaded, desperation in his voice.

"YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT SHIT WITH ME WHEN YOU FUCKING TURNED ON ME DURING UNO!" Mercury grabbed him by both his shoulders and shook his leader for all his worth. "ON GAME NIGHT!"

Jaune Arc shrugged helplessly. "Ren put a green. I only had a green reverse card, man. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not drop it?!"

"Oh, and what, _lose_?"

"YES!"

"FUCK YOU!" Jaune flipped him off. "Ren dropped the plus four wildcard. Adam just... passed it on."

"Yeah. Like STD's"

"Gods, you're unbelievable."

"Excuse me, I'm trying to do something here!" A new voice called out. Both boys turned their heads to the sound, seeing Adam pulling his pants up from behind a tree, an adult faunus magazine curled up in his hand.

"Ew." They both said at the same time.

Jaune spotted the cover, and smirked. "Feline Faunus Feature? Really?"

"I'm not over her." Adam deadpanned.

Mercury shrugged. "You could be more subtle, bro."

"Hah! Like you can talk. I saw you gunning for me at the game earlier, stupid."

Jaune groaned in his hand as Mercury stormed towards Adam, knuckles cracking.

Where was Ren when you needed him?

"Let me guess," Ozpin said in his coffee, sitting peacefully at his desk, "game night?"

Ren had his hands behind his back, looking out the headmaster's window at the midnight sky.

"Yes. And it was beautiful." Ren answered, hiding his smile from view.

Ozpin chuckled, swiveling his chair to face his student. "So you did it, hm?"

"Yes."

"What did it cost you?"

Ren shrugged. "My friends. At least for the night."

The headmaster stood from his place, patting the younger man on the shoulder. "You're the only one who could've seen it - or at least the one who possessed the will to act on it."

Ren nodded, watching as Mercury slugged Adam below.

"Exactly."

* * *

 **Thanos Car.**


	3. We're Here

**Yo. (Edited; credit to Engineer1896 for pointing out my mistake. Thank you).**

* * *

Mercury Black watched in muted silence as the people that mattered the most to him all fell, one by one.

The young man stood under the shade of a tree as Jaune Arc burned alive.

Mercury could do nothing - feel nothing as his friend and leader was cooked alive in a blazing inferno, created by none other than Cinder Fall herself. He smelled burning flesh. He heard the awful scream that came from Jaune Arc, struggling against his bindings, wailing and fighting for dear life.

And Mercury stood there, watching it.

Those blue eyes, normally filled with hope and conviction, were now full of nothing more than pain and horror as he was subjected to a slow and painful death. Ironically enough, Jaune was being burned to a crisp right where Pyrrha Nikos had died, right on top of the ruins of Beacon, on a night very much like the night of the academy's fall. Died fighting the very woman that had taken everything away from him.

It felt like hours. It could have been minutes. And he stood there, doing absolutely nothing.

As the flames died down, Cinder Fall lowered her hand and turned to him, her eyes glowing an amber shade. Their eyes met and before he knew it, he was engulfed in fire.

* * *

Lie Ren had killed himself.

Mercury Black stood above the lifeless corpse of his friend and teammate. Even in death, he was still as stoic as ever, his eyes betraying nothing. Even when the blade of his father was embedded in his chest, Ren had died as he had lived - with grace. Everything told of a swift and painless death.

His body however, told an entirely different tale.

As his body lay in the center of his destroyed village, Ren had his arm outstretched to Nora. Or what was left of her anyway.

There, where Ren's dull eyes stared ahead was a stain. An ugly, red stain marked near the village's center. Mercury could only think of one thing - Grimm.

The proud Valkyrie had been outnumbered. Torn apart. Thrown under a stampede, all because she had charged to face the Nuckelavee all by herself. Nora had wanted to protect Ren. To be his hero, to be the one to save him.

What an idiot. What was worse, Mercury could not tell if Ren had seen it all. Ha been forced to watch as Nora, his love and joy, was destroyed by the creatures of the dark, leaving nothing behind.

Mercury slowly walked over the large blood-stain and, as i by magic, felt something pierce his chest. His body rose up as something pulled. Grey eyes looked down to see a black, clawed hand piercing through his chest.

He began to cough up blood. Began to choke on it.

The next thing he saw was the maw of the Nuckelavee's second head open up, and swallowed him into darkness.

* * *

He had fallen.

Adam Taurus' broken body lay before Mercury, in the middle of a forest. In the middle of nowhere. The man had been unmasked, his brand exposed all for Remnant to see. Sadly, Remnant didn't give a damn. Mercury, however, did.

His partner and teammate's eyes looked up to the sky. Perhaps to symbolize the hope that had once filled the Faunus' heart once, how he would look up and dream of a future of equality and peace.

Sadly, death was not as romantic as people made it out to be.

He saw Adam's blade, Wilt, sticking out from both ends of the Faunus' chest, blood staining it's crimson blade and pooling around his body.

Mercury, without being there, knew how he had died.

For Blake. And Yang.

Salem had seen fit to unleash Hazel on the two, and Adam had seen fit to throw his life away for Blake Belladonna.

Yes, she had left him. He had followed her all the way to Beacon, hoping to the gods that she'd remain with him.

Instead, she had become a part of RWBY, and fell in love with her team. Maybe she had fallen in love with Sun as well.

And Adam? Well, he had been stuck with the most dysfunctional team Beacon had ever produced. But his love for her never died, whether it be because of obsession or just genuine emotion, he would never know.

At least Adam had changed for the better, before being betrayed by the broken remains of the White Fang. Hazel had deemed it fit to bring a small entourage with him. Adam saw it fit to give Yang and Blake no choice but to run, holding the terrorists off at the cost of his life.

Mercury said nothing. Felt nothing. Absolutely nothing, for how could he? The river beside them had began to flood immediately, before washing them both away.

* * *

Mercury woke to a jolt, feeling cold metal under him.

"Morning."

The first thing he saw was Oscar shaking him awake. Mercury blinked the exhaustion away from his eyes and looked around.

Yup, they were all there.

There was Jaune, chatting amicably with Blake. Seems as if they had found common ground on books. Mercury assumed it was gen:Lock, the sci-fi comic written by the author of Ninjas of Love and illustrated by the maker of X-ray and Vav.

He rolled his eyes at that and spotted Adam Taurus leaning on Yang, the blond snoring like a train while Adam slept like the dead. It was strange, yet oddly comforting. Her mechanical arm lay across his lap, his scarred face leaning on the top of Yang's blonde mane. It was nice. Blake was peacefully slumbering on Yang's lap. It was a nice scene to wake up to.

And of course, Ren was with Nora. Doing whatever the hell those two did.

The rest were up front - Ruby, was deep in conversation with Weiss, her uncle Qrow, and the Reaper herself, Maria.

Oscar pulled him up and patted him on the back.

"We're here."

Yes. Yes they were. And he'd give his life to make sure that would always be true.

* * *

 **Oof. I'm angsting.**


	4. Gift

* * *

* * *

**Happy Holidays! A little late, and a little sad. Probably not that good either. But I still hope you enjoy this, how little a gift it maybe.**

* * *

It's that heavy feeling in your chest, yet it makes you giddy and light. That strange moment that straddles joy and sadness, when you grow deaf from the silence right as the noise passes.

It's that feeling when you graduate in the morning and head to bed in the evening; it's surreal, as if the celebration seemed distant now even when it was only hours ago. Like being the last one to leave the party, or watching people have fun from afar. It was lonely, but so damn happy too.

Right now, that was all team ALBT could feel.

* * *

Adam Taurus had never actually celebrated the winter holidays before.

Granted, winter was when food was scarce and, him being homeless in his youth, would have frozen and starved to death during the season had he not focused most of his efforts into surviving. Hell, he still remembered most of it with clarity, but he'd rather not dwell on it.

Like how his scar would ache over the winter, or how he had to fight off starving children just like him for whatever scraps he could find at the back of whatever dinky diner he'd stumble across.

Mining operations shut down as well during the holidays, which left him penniless for weeks on end, and how he would sneak off whatever small dust crystals he could mine and sell them off for whatever price would get him through those torturous weeks.

Or what about the- _right, dwelling again_.

Adam shook himself from his thoughts, sipping the warm chocolate on his bedside table.

"So, Adam. The White Fang ever celebrate this oh so jolly season?"

Adam sighed, turning to face the source of the voice. Mercury Black - his teammate, partner, burden, headache, and dare he say it, his friend.

"My men tended to celebrate, yes." Adam replied. "I'd send them off to their families, while I went over our plans for after the season."

"Ha!" Mercury laughed, "Adam Taurus, all work and no play. Sounds just about right; all it's lacking now is him contemplating his sorrows in the cold winter night, thinking about Bla-" before he could finish, a slice of fruit cake had been stuffed in his mouth.

Adam smirked at that. "Thank you, Ren."

Lie Ren, wearing a hideous sweater made from Nora, simply nodded. He turned to Mercury as he swallowed the cake, glaring at him as he did so.

"That didn't seem very kind of you Mercury. Have you ever considered actually getting into the holiday spirit?" Ren asked, a small smirk on his face.

Mercury rolled his eyes at this. "Stuffing down a man's throat like that doesn't seem very spirited either, Ren," he sneered, "or is that how you and Nora celebrate the holidays together, hm?" Ren merely smiled, "At least one of us is getting something this season, Merc. Can't say the same for you though."

Mercury's eyes widened, before howling with laughter. "Nice," he said as he wiped a tear from his eye.

"Jokes aside, I didn't get to celebrate much during my childhood, either." Ren continued. "My mother and father were simple, so our celebration of the season would always be modest. When our village fell, well..." he trailed off, a sad smile adorning his features.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, startling Ren from his thoughts. Jaune came up behind him, a smile and a small plate of sweets on his other hand. "That's all in the past Ren. You're with friends now."

For a moment, Ren was taken back, before he let out a small laugh. "You're right. It is okay. Besides," he said as he grabbed a small cookie from the platter, "Nora would never let me live it down if I _stayed_ this way. It is her favorite time of the year." Jaune smiled at that, "Way to get into the spirit of the holiday, man."

Ren shrugged, "We did celebrate on the road every now and then, Nora and I. Though, having the decorations for the holiday also double as our shelter was quite the experience."

The three others looked on with sympathy, even the almost always sarcastic Mercury was silent. Then Jaune smiled.

"That's going to change from here on out bud," he said as he clapped Ren on the shoulder, "you're spending this holiday with us from now on. Hell, if I have to bring my entire family along, I will."

Mercury, finally finding an opening for his sarcasm, smirked and said, "Speaking of your family, how did _you_ spend your holidays with such a big gods-be-damned family, eh? There's gotta be good stories there, Jauney-boy."

All eyes to turned to their blonde leader as the conversation went straight to him. Jaune went red at the attention; normally, he'd be fine. He was their leader after all, it would make sense he'd have their attention in most cases, but not with something so personal.

So mundane.

"W-well, it was always a riot, I guess?" Jaune stammered out. "I mean, my sisters and I would always be scrambling around the house, doing our chores and preparations." Jaune chuckled to himself, "I remember how my mom was always pissed at us. We tried our best to cook and clean, but with so many people in one spot all rushing about, we'd tend to break things or make mistakes. She'd always say, 'doing your jobs like idiots just doubles the pain, so do it properly'." Jaune smiled down at his cookies, reminding him how constantly him and his siblings would burn the pastries and have to do them all again.

Some would say it was stupid and wasteful - surely after all those years, they'd learn to bake. Maybe they were right.

But to Jaune, it felt like the world's biggest excuse to spend more time with them. Those 'accidents' almost always lead to a food fight, teasing, their mom yelling at them for ruining the food _again_ , cleaning it all up, and ordering from the nice cake shop down the street, who always seemed to be open on the holidays. Always gave it to them for free too.

"That... that sounds really amazing, Jaune."

Jaune was surprised. They were simple words, but it came from the least likeliest to say them.

All eyes in the room had been drawn to Mercury, who now seemed so interested in his prosthetics.

"Did he just... say something genuinely nice?" Adam asked, bewildered.

"I can't believe it either, Adam. But I'm pretty sure I hadn't misheard anything." Ren said, shock evident in his voice as he placed his plate down.

"It really is a holiday miracle!" Jaune laughed, surprise draining from him, leaving only amusement.

Mercury had always been good at hiding his emotions, but all of his teammates could clearly see the red in his ears, even as he did a good job of frowning at them.

"All right you little shits, that's enough. I say one good thing, and you all start fucking praising the sky." He sneered, though it lacked any real heat, with the red now spreading down to his neck.

The three burst out laughing, and all Mercury wanted to do was die. Die right then and there, because gods-fucking-damn it all this _sucked._

"Holy brothers," Adam chuckled, "the man actually said something nice to us. Actual niceties from Mercury Black."

Ren wiped a tear from his eye, clearly enjoying himself. "They do say the seasons change you."

Jaune grinned as he punched Mercury in the arm, though it had no real strength to it. "Well damn, Happy Holidays to you too Merc! Best gift I've gotten yet!"

They all continued laughing, not realizing Mercury had gone quiet. As the laughter died down, Mercury scratched the back of his head, an annoyed expression on his face.

"You all mean that?"

The question took them all by surprise. The other three looked at one another, clearly perplexed. "What do you mean, Merc?" Jaune asked.

Mercury sighed, bringing a knee up and resting his arm there, completely avoiding eye contact. "You meant it, when I said that that was a great gift?" The last words dying down to a whisper.

That's when it hit them all. Gods, how could they have forgotten?

The celebrations had lasted all throughout the week, with teams celebrating a week before the actual holiday. Many had went home to their families, but a few had stayed. No surprise, many were either missing a family, or had left their families behind.

Jaune had called in, saying that he wanted to spend this one with his new team, with which his family had understood. He'd be home after, celebrating the coming of a new year, and so had been extracted promises from his siblings. Jaune, without any hesitation, had spent most of his holiday money on gifts for his sisters and parents, and had them delivered on the day of the celebration.

ALBT had celebrated with RWBY and PNNK in the week before, exchanging small gifts and just enjoying in each other's company.

Ruby and Yang left after, wanting to celebrate with their dad and uncle. Weiss, seeing as she was estranged from her father, had decided to greet her siblings and mother over the scroll before leaving with the others. Blake, seeing no reason not to, went with them.

Pyrrha had left to celebrate with her family, while Neon, Kole and Nora stayed at Beacon. All three had drank themselves into a coma earlier that night, but not before Nora stole a kiss from Ren and exchanged each other's gifts.

Now, it was only the four of them left. None of them actually drank, what with Jaune being allergic, Ren admitting that he was jack at holding his alchohol, and Adam having grown used without it.

But Mercury never drank because of how it reminded him of his father.

 _Gods, we're all idiots._

Of course he'd ask that. For all his snark, sarcasm and nonchalance, Mercury was unused to actual human connection. It'd make sense that his father would never get him anything during the holidays.

Adam clenched his fist, wishing Marcus Black was alive right now. He'd make that bastard pay.

Ren and Jaune shared the same sentiment.

Jaune sat next to Mercury, a sigh escaping his lips. "Hey Merc?"

"Yeah?"

"Did... did your dad-".

"Marcus." Ren quickly cut off, a hint of venom in his voice.

"Did Marcus ever give you any gifts? Did... _you_ give him anything either?"

Mercury shrugged, all embarrassment gone from him. All he looked now was tired.

"The best gift my old man gave me was that he wouldn't kick my teeth in." Mercury took a cookie in hand, studying it intently. "He'd go out, drink himself into the ground and I'd be alone on the holidays. Most of the time I just slept in, fucking happy that I wouldn't be bleeding on the floor that night. When I got older though, I'd sneak off to the nearest town. I'd watch the fireworks go off, take whatever free food they were offering, and get home before my dad did."

The room was quiet after he told his tale. Mercury ignored it all, chewing on the cookie as he watched snow fall outside.

To be honest, he had no idea why he'd said all those things. It just felt... right, somehow.

 _Great_ , Mercury sighed to himself. _Went and fucking ruined it, didn't I._

Mercury suddenly laughed. "Ah, fuck. Whatever man. It's nothing now. He's dead, I'm here, and I for one thin-"

He was cut off as he was dragged into an immediate embrace. Jaune had pulled him in, hugging him tightly.

Mercury was an assassin. He was a killer, and a damn good one at that. He had killed huntsmen and huntresses with twice his experience before. He was skilled, prepared, and desensitized to the world he lived in.

He was trained to not be surprised.

So why the _hell_ was he so quiet now?

"W-wha- Jaune, I-?"

"Can it, Black."

Mercury had no idea what to do. All he knew was that right now, he was in a hug. He had no idea what to do with his hands, no clue as to what he's supposed to be _feeling_ right now. The hell were you supposed to say in a situation like this?

As if reading his thoughts, Ren sat next to him and embraced him from behind, all the while glaring at Adam to do the same.

Adam sighed in surrender. After an entire semester, he had grown soft, embarrassingly so. He mumbled a gruff 'make room', before situating himself in the impromptu group hug.

Mercury was speechless. He had no idea what to do. But there was one thing that came to him.

With all the grace of a Goliath in a Mistralian shop, he said, "No homo."

It was as if a car had come to a screeching halt, flipped, and crashed into Beacon itself.

It was slow, but as the words left his mouth, all Jaune started laughing. Then Adam, Ren, and finally Mercury.

As it hit all of them how ridiculous and utterly stupid what had just happened, they all began howling in laughter.

It wasn't even in any way good or funny, but the four of them kept laughing anyway. They howled with laughter, barely noticing the tears streaming down their faces.

They all laughed like idiots, unable to stop themselves as the four boys crumpled to either the floor or bed sounding like a chorus of crazy as they did so.

It was nothing. It wasn't funny at all - it was more pathetic than humorous, but none of them cared. To them, it meant everything.

* * *

After their fits of laughter, they had snuck out, carrying with them a bag full of red fire dust, looking like a certain holiday saint's wayward sons.

They ran out into the snow, their weapons loaded with rounds of ammunition. They aimed at the night sky and began to let loose their own fireworks, even when it _wasn't the right damn holiday for it._

Soon, the staff of Beacon was on them but team ALBT being the idiots they were scrambled around like the dumbest thieves you've seen, running around campus in the dead of night as they were pursued by a none too happy Glynda Goodwitch.

Were they caught? Of course they were. As if they even stood a chance against the deputy headmistress.

Were they punished? A bit, yes. Seeing as it was the holidays, and Ozpin was too tired for this, he had let them off with detention as soon as the semester started and a slap to the wrist, much to his colleague's frustration. Call it his own present, he said.

And as the four of them were escorted to their room, marched down by a bemused Oobleck for all of the remaining students to see, they only had one thought go through their minds.

Was it everything they needed?

Undoubtedly so.

* * *

It's that heavy feeling. When the lights go off, the sounds die out, and the last of the guests trickle away. It was melancholic, to say the least.

But for them, it was the greatest feeling in the world.


	5. Simp

**Absolutely no thought was put into this chapter.**

 **Stay safe everyone!**

* * *

"Winchester's a simp. You can't change my mind."

"I wouldn't think otherwise. However, Russel _also_ simps for Cardin. I've seen the guy sneak a glance or two whenever the two of us would spar while Cardin worked out."

Adam hummed in thought. "Maybe. But _Cardin_?" Adam exclaimed, "Honestly, the boy can do better than that meat-headed bigot. Though he is just as much of a racist as Winchester."

Ren nodded, remembering all the instances Russel had expressed racist remarks to his faunus classmates. He had even once provoked Adam.

Only Professor Goodwitch's intervention had ensured Wilt not finding its way through Russel's heart.

It was a peaceful Saturday morning. After the beginning of the second semester, Adam and Ren had gone on to spend most of their Saturday mornings alongside one another, basking in the peace and quiet that Beacon's hectic halls rarely offered. At times they would spar, Adam almost always coming out as the winner.

Theirs was a simple routine - spar, Ren would lose, Adam would point out his shortcomings, spar again, lose again after putting up a better fight, Adam praising Ren for improving, and then relax whilst talking about whatever popped up in their exhausted heads.

Today's stupid topic was the simp. Specifically, simps in Beacon.

Neither Adam nor Ren were particularly big on social media, and they sure as hell weren't caught up in the mess that was Beacon's rumor mill. Nora was much more inclined for such things, but she could keep a secret as well as she could beat Goodwitch, which is to say that she couldn't keep a secret. She was great for gossip, but not exactly the person you'd want to confide your humiliating moments with.

"What about Neptune Vasilias?" Ren asked as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

Adam shrugged. "That blue-haired idiot from Shade? I don't think so." Adam tossed a plastic bottle of water across him, Ren catching it and giving a grateful nod to his teammate, before Adam continued. "He's garnered the affections of many of the women in Beacon, alongside the transfers. I'd say he's cool. Sage and Scarlet are fine too."

Ren smirked, "Least 'til you put Vasilias near the river."

"Or the lake."

"He'd soil himself at the sea too."

"I'd rather not think of what he'd do near the ocean."

Somewhere across Beacon, Neptune Vasilias felt chills down his spine.

"What's wrong, Nep?" Sage asked, a little worried after Neptune suddenly hugged himself and hunched over.

"I... I think someone's making fun of my visage of cool and awesomeness."

"... What?"

Back to the forest, as the laughter died down Ren asked, "Alright, but what about Sun?"

Adam sighed heavily. "Chad."

"Really?" It was an understatement to say that Ren wasn't surprised. Adam, while having changed and mellowed out since joining Beacon, was still a ball of anger and jealousy. He still had his violent tendencies, though he had been working on it alongside his teammates for months now.

It was obvious he still held feeling for Blake, and the fact that Sun had swooped in and began vying for the faunus' attention had left Adam a little sore and angry. Blake had even said how awkward it was when she had been with the two of them at the docks, though afterwards Blake and Adam had finally reconciled, and a begrudging but mutual respect had developed between him and the other faunus boy.

Adam rested his chin on his hand, a bored expression on his face. "He's a good man. He obviously really likes her, and he's been good to her. Blake has a tendency for attracting his sort."

"Besides you." Ren snorted.

Adam smiled. "Yeah. You should've seen this one girl, Ilia Amitola. She's a kind girl, and head-over-heels in love with Blake."

Ren whistled, obviously impressed. "Way to have your good looks cross the gender line there, Blake."

Adam hummed to himself. "Had I not been with Blake at the time, I wouldn't have put it past her to have asked Ilia out. She was at the very least aware of Ilia's crush then."

"Blake's bi?"

"She told me once that she was open to the possibility. It explains how she treats Yang as well."

Ren snickered at that. "I thought they were just friends?" Adam chuckled, "Those two may not have realized it yet, but they're very close with one another. I know how Blake acts and feels. She's shown signs of attraction to both those idiot blondes, though she may not have yet fully realized her feelings for Yang."

"You're not jealous are you?"

"A little," Adam admitted, a pained smile on his face, "though, I am moving past that. And no, before you ask, I haven't had any urges to decapitate them both."

"... Just recently though, right?" Ren inquired, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"... Yes. Recently, at least."

Ren bursted out laughing, loving the fact that Adam had just freely admitted that he was, indeed, psychotic. Functioning, improving, but psychotic nonetheless.

"Oh Adam, friend, it seems _you_ might be a simp yourself."

Adam flipped him off. "How about you fuck off, Ren? I'm not a simp."

"That's exactly what a simp would say."

"I think you're interested in another round, Lie Ren. This time, I swear I will shove wilt straight up your-"

"Assembly hall, everyone!" A voice called out. "Headmaster Ozpin has an announcement to make for the upcoming Vytal Festival. All students and transferees, please make your way to the auditorium in ten minutes."

Ren smiled, pushing himself from his sitting position. Across him, Adam used his sword to lift himself up. "You were saved by the bell this time, Ren. Next time, I'm getting Nora to help me."

That actually scared Ren. "I take it back. You're not a simp. You're a chad! No wait, you're a king. A king!" Ren felt himself sweat even more at the thought of Adam enlisting the help of Nora to get his revenge on him.

"You're damn right I am."

As they fixed their belongings and began making their way to the Academy, Adam turned to Ren. "What about Mercury?"

Ren shrugged. "The guy's almost as much of a psycho as you, but he prefers the thrill of battle and pranks over girls."

"Neutral then. How about Jau-?"

"Simp." Ren quickly cut off. "Just... he's simping for Weiss."

"Agreed. Poor idiot."

* * *

 **If you don't wash your hands, then you're a bigger simp than Volumes 1 and 2 Jaune.**

 **Or worse...**

 ** _Mordecai_**.

 **Wash your hands. Quarantine. Don't be a simp or a thot.**


End file.
